4 Steps to a Successful Marriage

“You’re nobody, ‘til somebody loves you.” are the lyrics by Dean Martin. And what I have come to learn is that the line is true. Statistics show that two of the main causes of divorce is sex and money… Now really, doesn’t that sound like the name of a rap song? This was for people of the ages 29 and under. The same people who mainly listen to much of what the media has to say. Music and tv shows people watch tend to send the message that frequency of sex is love, or “if you buy me this” it’s love. Love is not what someone can do for you, it’s what you can do for someone else. Which leads me into 1 of the 4 main ingredients for a successful marriage.

1. You must actively seek out things to do for your spouse. It shouldn’t be arguments over who last did the dishes, but an argument of, “can I please do the dishes for you.” When you’re married, your spouse should never feel like they have to watch their back or protect themselves. Their backs should be watched by you, and they should feel protected by you, that’s the sense of security. And that doesn’t just mean, “Oh he’ll protect me from a robbery.” But it means, “He/she will protect my feelings. He/she will respect me and hold me to a high regard.” Which leads me to number 2.

2. Have respect for one another. Do not name-call, how old are we? Really folks, is being right more important than the person you say you love? It’s not. At the end of the day, is winning that argument going to keep you warm at night? Is that victory going to make a child with you? Is it going to support your beliefs and aspirations and goals? Is it going to sharpen you and make you become a better person? It’s not. So don’t lift it anywhere near the pedestal that your spouse sits on. Your spouse comes before you. Also when it comes to respect, don’t be childish! First of all, why are you even in a relationship if you want to still be immature? Marriage is for adults, not babies. If you did something to upset your spouse, listen to what they have to say. Sincerely apologize. Pride is not apologizing, pride is lack of respect, and pride is believing you can do and say whatever you want. Pride always comes before the fall.

Humble yourselves! If your spouse has an issue with something you did… bow to that, and say, “I apologize, I will do my best not to do that again, I love you [insert name here].” Because you’re not all that, to be putting someone down because you feel like what you did wasn’t wrong. Well, the person you say you love is offended, and again, is being right more important that losing the one you love? It’s not.

3. Love your spouse unreservedly. This is not a game. You aren’t feeling each other out. This is not a boxing match. It’s a union. Give your all to that person or don’t waste their time taking anything from them! Show that person your heart. Don’t hold back because Ray from back in the day hurt your feelings when you wore your heart on your sleeve. So what! This ain’t Ray, even if your spouse doesn’t reciprocate it, it’s not your business. Your job is to love unreservedly. Now this is for those already married, if you’re not married, pay attention to these signs. Practice these things with patience (meaning longer than a month!) and look for changes. If it doesn’t go anywhere, then perhaps it’s not the person for you, but only God knows what He has for you, so you have to perfect your obedience to Him to know who’s for you.

4. Be confident in the person you want to be with! If you want to be with them, and they want to be with you and you both truly love each other, what’s the hold up? Marriage done right is really a beautiful thing. Know that this is the person I want to take my journey with. This is the person I want to have my children with, and raise them, and teach them, and teach each other! The thought of being with that person forever should excite you!

Another thing, don’t EVER look for someone to make you happy. One, it’s an impossible task, many people are looking for someone to bring happiness into their lives, and they always end up more damaged because each new guy or girl can’t provide it. It’s because they can’t. This is why it’s important to know the Lord, because only He can bring you happiness and joy. You must first be able to be happy alone and in the Lord before you be happy with someone else. Otherwise, you’re headed for destruction. It’s an unfair, selfish thing, and too big of a burden to put on the shoulders of another person.

Which is another thing I failed to mention, selfishness! I mentioned it but didn’t say the word, no selfishness! It’s not about you, or what they can do for you, but what you can do for them. If both parties do that than everything you want to do for you that person will do for you which will make the thing that got done for you all the more precious! Because someone out of love took the time to pay attention to your likes and dislikes, and developed an interest of living their life to make sure you see and experience only things pleasing to you. Doesn’t that sound nice?

And I know what many of you are thinking because I tend to think like it sometimes but I’m forcing myself out of it now….What if that other person doesn’t do these things back!? Then I’ll be hurt and taken advantage of! Well see there are signs to pay attention to when you first meet someone. Say if you meet a person and they’re depressed, leave them alone. They will bring that depression into the relationship, and they will eventually hurt you and cause depression to fall on you. I personally, am a firm believer that you can love someone into being a better person. But do understand it’s a heck of a challenge, and if you’re not careful, you’ll lose yourself. This is why it’s important to be with people who Love the Lord because they will in turn love you, out of love for Him. It’s simple as that. A person, “doing them” is selfish and will not love you.

You can tell how a person will treat you by the music they listen to. If they listen to music that degrades people, they are telling you, they condone that type of behavior and that is what you can expect from them. Otherwise they wouldn’t like the music! It offend them. It’s really simple math. I’ll end it here to hear some comments, I hope this can create a healthy buzz.